Mollys

Mollys
Originally uploaded by michaels122.

I am so glad I found this forum when I did, I owe my life to such a wonderful group of caring people who reside in AA Mollys Form, Thankyou...
Here is a brief letter to my fellow Jedess who has just passed her 1st year of sobriety and has always found words to help me just when I needed them.
Hi Debbie,
Just come back from a good meeting, really felt good especially talking with Tony Bus after, we got on to the subject of relationships and his advise was "You just worry about getting yourself well"
I told him that at first I came to the AA because I had nothing better to do with my life and I was painfully aware that the avenue of drinking to escape from how I was feeling had come to an end but he said giving up the drink was just the barest beginnings.
I think I am realising that I am just an overgrown child who throws his dummy out of the pram and takes his ball home when he feels he is being badly done to, and what does it really achieve, it just points out that I am a big kid who lives at his mummies because he cant cope with life.
Harsh words I think and these have come from me about my own defects, always longing to be that glittering personality that everyone loves, but really I need to learn to love myself, I suppose that is the next step after putting down the bottle and it is much more difficult that simply to say it.
I suppose while I am at it I should acknowledge the existence of many more defects, yes I am good at lecturing the people of Bradley where I live how alcohol is an evil mind controlling substance that the Government milk to make money from themselves and to explain to them all that I am the chosen person who have come back from near death to save them all, but this isnt spreading the message is it, its just following the easy option, in fact nobody dare now drink in front of me just in case I fly of into another of my grand life changing speeches.
Live and Let live is the answer really isnt it, the reason I gave up the drink is because my body processes alcohol differently and one drink would result even now into me once again waking up on there sofa having gone mad before collapsing and peeing myself and once again having to dry out the cushions in front of there fire before staggering off home and hoping there was enough hours before morning to disperse the smell.
Yes I should become more aware of my own defects like the program tells us and stop taking other peoples inventory otherwise I will continue to repeatedly bang my head against the proverbial brick wall wont I.
Ego really is a very dangerous thing to give an alcoholic and alcohol does feed it, I remember crawling into the woods with my dog after getting home from work feeling like death but a few smokes and beers later I was far away in a fantasy world where people worshipped me like a God and I actually started to convince myself that mundane reality was really the dream.
Blimey you set me off now remembering my past which wasnt that long ago and only one drink away, and that really does scare me but in the months I have been coming along to the AA like a ghost for something to do because I had no friends left something has rubbed off on me and even with this stubborn character!
Yes I think I am starting to learn a little humility, there is something out there I would call a force, my HP who is far more powerful than any words a man can describe him with, even the most fantastic minds that humankind can evolve throw there hands up in despair when trying to explain why we are here with analogies of spheres floating in empty space randomly attracting other spheres which happen to go floating by.
I think Debbie I am beginning to learn some important lesson, but quite what it is I am not yet certain, but one thing I know for definite life is far more bearable without that chemical called ethanol floating round my bloodstream!
Look forward to hearing from you soon...
Michael
xxxxxx

Our Visit To The Mining Museum To See Father Christmas

coal mines
Originally uploaded by michaels122.

Once again its Sunday evening and another dark night closes in, but sometimes I think now-a days we just forget how lucky we are!
I have just been to visit the Yorkshire Mining Museum on the A643 Wakefield Road that joins Wakefield to Huddersfield with Luke, Squeaky and Uncle Bob.
The Visitor Centre I think made me realise just how much we seem to take for granted these days, a lot of the archive videos from the 1985 miners strike I remember and I also have somewhat vague memories of being bathed by candlelight in the 1974 strikes which proceeded them…
The National Coal Mining Museum for England is located at Caphouse Colliery, on the western edge of the Yorkshire coalfield, where mining has been carried out for centuries.
A plan dated 1791 and showing workings from 1789 to 1795 includes a shaft on the Caphouse site. It is probably the oldest coal-mine shaft still in everyday use in Britain today.
Before 1827 the colliery was owned by the Milnes family but then passed into the ownership of the Lister Kaye family, until 1917.
After 1917 the colliery was run by a company, which included the ex-manager Percy Greaves, a colliery owner in his own right. Around 1941 Arthur Sykes of Lockwood and Elliottt bought the colliery and remained as owner until Nationalisation in 1947. By 1985 the coal at Caphouse was exhausted and its conversion to a Museum began.
The Museum Today
In 1988 the Yorkshire Mining Museum opened at Caphouse. The Museum was granted National status in 1995. Following this the Department of Culture, Media and Sport carried out a detailed study into the Museum, and provided funding which secured its long term future. In 2001 the Museum received a Heritage Lottery Grant of just over £4.5 million. The Museum raised just under £2 million to complement the grant. Work carried out using this money included restoring buildings, new gallery areas and the store for large machinery.
Above is the enclosed blurb from the visitors handbook and the stories on the board, we arrived and booked on the 1:45 visit to see Father Christmas, normally the tours are free but this one cost a tenner for four of us.
We were taken down some 140 metres in a lift which was apparently haunted into a tunnel with a little railway line in it, the tour guide was telling us all about how father Christmas likes to keep all his presents safe.
We were then led along a tunnel into santas grotto where we were queued up in family groups to meet Santa himself and Squeaky tried to memorise all his reindeers.
Squeaky said afterwards she felt very silly as Father Christmas asked her where she came from and made her promise not to peek when Santa comes with his magic key on Christmas Eve, she was then handed a present.
Luke was next and when asked what he wanted he said he didn’t know, further interrogation by Mr Xmas got him to say that he wouldn’t mind a flying broomstick like Harry potter has but he knew that he wouldn’t get one that could fly.
He was asked where he lived so that they could load the sleigh ready for Christmas and Luke replied “That just depends if my mum is still living with her Umper Lumpa boyfriend, If she hasn’t been thrown out again by Christmas we will be living in Mirfield but if she gets beat up again we will be living in Deighton and he will be a b*stard again, its possible that we could have been thrown out and gone back a few times before Christmas comes so I suggest you bring my presents to my dads…”
Father Christmas looked a little bemused at all this but gave him his present anyway and our guide told Uncle Bob my brother about the snow clearing machines, which resulted in gone out looks.
WE wasn’t allowed any cameras or anything electrical, we had to hand all these items to the guy who gave out the torches before we could go down.
Once all the children with us had been handed there presents we were shown the snow clearing machines one of which the guide said had just come back from Bodmin moor on Friday after rescuing a load of stranded motorists.
We were then taken back up to the surface, I thought it was quite a funny few hours but both Squeaky and Luke thought they were a little to old for visiting Father Christmas now.
It’s hard to believe it now but about 150 years ago both Luke and Squeaky would have been quite probably employed down the mines, now it is simply unthinkable.
It was my boss The Balloon Warden who suggested we give the Mining Museum a visit, since at one time in the past he was employed as a electrician down one.
This got me thinking about aging, it wasn’t two minutes since Luke and Squeaky would have been wide eyed and amazed to see Santa but now they are looking forward to being “Old enough to do what they want” especially Luke who longs to escape from Mr Umper Lumpa/ The Emperor
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited
about aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half; You're four and a half, going on five!
That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead
"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13; but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life you become 21.Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.
Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you
REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE IT to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE IT to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you REACH 4:30; you MAKE IT to bedtime.
And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92!"
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
So how do we stay young, I wonder, a few tips can be found below which are taken from the Jedi Archives (an email from Nicky Finn in the Fellowship of AA) and a lot of it does ring true to me
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay " them “.
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's workshop."
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love. Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever; your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, even to a foreign country; but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them -- at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Anyway its back to a job I enjoy again tomorrow but I am having Tuesday as a holiday to take my dad up town, I need to start acting a bit more normal at work though.
Next weeks project is to devise a training Matrix which will I think involve me interacting a bit more with the members of our office instead as The Honey Monster says being off with the fairies.
Anyway I had better go take Miss Boley for a walk round the field and say my prayers to my Higher Power…
See you soon

Letter From A Disgruntled Australian Farmer To The Inland Revenue

Inland Revenue
Originally uploaded by michaels122.

Hello, Billy Nutmeg from the fellowship gave me a letter from a farmer in Melbourne, Australia to the income tax people in response to a Final Demand they had sent him and it had me in stitches so I just had to share it with you…
It goes,
Dear Sirs,
Your heated letter arrived this morning in an open envelope without a stamp. My son and I have gained much pleasure from reflecting on the past.
You say you thought the account could have been settled long ago and could not understand why not. Well here is the reason.
In 1970, I bought a sawmill on credit. In 1971, I bought a team of horses, two ponies, a timber wagon, a double-barrelled shotgun and two razor backed pigs, all on credit. In 1972, the bloody mill burned down to the ground, leaving not a damned thing. One of my ponies died and I loaned the other to a stupid b*stard who starved the poor bugger to death.
Then I joined the church.
In 1973, my father died and my brother was hanged for raping a pensioner.
A tramp seduced my daughter and I had to pay the b*stard £500 to prevent him from coming a relative.
In 1974, my son got mumps, which spread, to his balls and the poor lad had to be castrated to save his life. I went fishing and the rotten boat overturned, drowning two of my lads, neither being the one who was castrated.
In 1975, my wife ran away with a shepherd and left me the twins as a souvenir.
I employed a housekeeper and married her to keep the expense down.
I had a hell of a job trying to make her pregnant so I saw the doctor who advised me to create some excitement at the crucial moment. That night I took a shotgun to bed with me, at the time I thought was right, I leaned out the bed and fired the shotgun through the window, Result: the wife sh*t the bed, I ruptured myself and shot the best cow I ever owned.
In 1976, some joker cut the nuts off my prize bull. I was buggered completely so I took to drink. I carried on drinking until all I had left was a pocket watch and a weak bladder.
Winding the watch and running for a p*ss kept me busy for quite a time. After a year, I took on heart and bought on credit a manure spreader, reaper, binder and a car. The floods came and washed the bloody lot away. I was not insured.
My wife got VD from a salesman and another son (still not the one that was castrated) wiped his arse on a poisoned rabbit skin and died from an infection.
You can imagine my surprise upon reading that you will cause me trouble if I do not pay up. If you can think of any trouble I have missed out on, please let me know. Trying to get any money out of me is like trying to poke a pound of butter up a porcupines arse with a red-hot needle. I am praying for a shower of skunk sh*t to pass your way and I hope the centre is over the bunch of b*stards in your office who sent me this final demand.
Yours Faithfully
One seriously peed off Australian Farmer.
I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did and thanks to Mr Nutmeg for your contribution to my blog

Ghostly Happenings

Ghostly Happenings
Originally uploaded by michaels122.

Its funny, I look back at all this pointless twaddle I keep writing on here and sometimes quietly wonder to myself why I keep on twittering on, maybe this character who writes on here is the real me and is the person I am becoming?
Whatever the reason behind it perhaps best known to my higher power I just cannot stop myself from sitting here behind my computer screen trying to lecture my diminishing audience the philosophy of a crazy lunatic alcoholic who really on the scale of things hasn’t amounted to much.
The other day I decided to have a bit of a expedition on the internet and came across Friends Reunited and after reading about all the people who I knew and have entwined themselves with my journey through life through no fault of there own I decided to add my own entry which went something like this…
“Hi remember me I was that sad geek back at school who sat in corners and thrived on pats on the head by teachers, maybe there is a moral in it somewhere but I went on to get a Class C job at a brick works and become a full time recovered alcoholic who spends many evenings sat in his bedroom at his mummies writing total bullsh*t on his computer.
I still like to take my Billy Bunnie to bed with me and was once married but she got fed up of being compared to my mum when reading bedtime stories luckily I now have one poor sod who was incredibly wicked in a past life and came back in this one with the unfortunate task of being my son…”
Then I got to thinking as I trawled through the success stories, would I really want to be like them?
Maybe not, anyway I think just lately even the occupants of The Lost World are looking at my irrational behaviour and seeing me as decidedly peculiar, I mean nothing I try and do could be construed as normal.
The other day I was left on my own in the office by Zippy and asked to lock up while he went into the toilets to play with his stump, it was reported that I was like Picasso on my keyboard trying to close my computer down and making a hasty retreat from the haunted building.
When Zippy emerged from the toilets having relieved himself he reported still hearing footsteps in the office upstairs and had assumed I was still present and went home without having locked the office.
The next morning when reprimanded by The Balloon Warden about leaving the doors open I tried to explain that I had evacuated the office only a few minutes after Zippy had and while he was banging away in the bogs I was sat in my car rolling my cigs for the journey home on the M62.
Of course my story was taken with a pinch of salt even though all the offices occupants know full well about the ghosts who haunt the premises.
I have definitely felt a powerful supernatural presence in the room even in broad daylight but I am particularly sensitive to such things having what my boss likes to label a very active imagination.
In the end I simply apologised for leaving the doors open even though I knew full well the footsteps that Zippy heard echoing round the building were not mine.
This week my project has been to set up a database that will automatically capture data from the four ex-marshal’s works for an ungrateful Mr Spike who is charge of quality issues and this is a result of his pseudo secretary Miss Ewok leaving him to move to East Anglia.
I think the Balloon Warden hasn’t exactly been too pleased that I have taken on this task since every time this week he came to ask me something I was coincidentally on the phone to someone at another works.
I did manage though to pick up a bit of gossip, apparently in Tele-tubbieland Tinky Winky is most upset at there choice of Cruela Deville as there new secretary, in fact while he was on the phone he said the following … “Oh N-man we call him Simon Cowell off X factor, no its nowt ta do with his character just the way he wears his trasers reight up to his neck like… Oh yes we started off looking for an office junior and ended up with a office fossil”
Do you know, I never even received a thankyou for all my efforts from Mr Spike still it gave me something to take my mind off the levitating objects and other supernatural incidents that were taking place around me.
So let me use this forum to express my apologies to my boss The Balloon warden for getting sidetracked into doing work that does not even indirectly benefit The Lost World but just to keep a Mr Spikes empire-building tool functioning correctly.
I would also like to say that we will all miss Little Miss Ewok from Flintstones Park when she leaves since she was one of the few people at The Park who wasn’t a funny c*nt, blimey I am glad to get away from there even if my new venue is haunted.
I would also like to thank Alf Garnet for my new Dr Who thermals and the Honey monster for the continuous constructive comments he makes with regards to improving my interpersonal skills.
“Cybernet, that silly c*nt, he certainly isn’t a full shilling, what with the daft comments he keeps coming out with, spends most of the day away with the fairies then goes home and the sad c*nt writes a load of crap like this, oh yes and while I am at it Lard-arse the other day got me right in the face with his window washers…”
Even Zippy normally placid has started to realise he shares the office with someone who isn’t quite a full picnic, especially when he found a stupid notice on one of his requisitions for some salt for the yard.
In fact just at the moment only George and Alf are still my friends, still I have got all them ghosts to talk to…

21 Steps To Live My Life With

Me and Miss Boley
Originally uploaded by michaels122.

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

free underpants

free underpants
Originally uploaded by michaels122.

Its Sunday night and my AA meetings are down to just 3 per week usually Monday, Wednesday and Thursday or Monday, Thursday and Friday so I am now free to do what I like Sunday evening as a rule.
This usually involves recovering from entertaining Squeaky and Luke all weekend and thankfully after all the palaver of last week this is again the case.
WE went to see Harry Potter & The Goblet Of Fire which was a maybe 6/10 film compared to “Revenge Of The Sith – Star Wars” being a eight this was Saturday Morning because I wasn’t quite sure until I went to pick Luke up Friday night that he was coming.
I did give my solicitor a call on Wednesday but he strongly advised me not to repeat last weeks performance of storming into The Sith House and kidnapping Luke again and just said wait and see what happens this weekend.
He added that going for custody of Luke was likely to be a nasty battle and one that would certainly make Luke feel torn in two no matter what Luke thought now and until The Sith Girl placed us in the situation he didn’t see it an advantage.
Even Dominating Donna (The Sith Girls sister) and one of her old best friends indicated they were firmly on my side so I guess she decided to not carry out her threat she made on the phone.
Still I prefer to going forward not to listen to anymore of her sh*t just drop Luke off and pick him up without any acknowledgement of her existence and like her sister says next time she parts company with her emperor not go out of my way to do her any favours unless they directly effect Luke or his sister Leia.
The Catlady and The Scottish Widow at my AA fellowship both told me this week that from the way I share The Sith Girl seems to have become my higher power, they advised that it was now time to stand on my feet and feel no more resentment or anger as a result of her unpredictable behaviour.
I have had my first gift from the Lost World which was kindly supplied by Alf Garnett at the companies expense that is 4 pairs of Dr Who underpants and after 1 weeks holiday I am due back there tomorrow.
The Honey Monster got 4 pairs of XXL underpants and Alf got himself 4 pairs of Small underpants while I don’t think either Zippy or George got any, and I haven’t got a clue why we were supplied them?
Anyway after watching Harry Potter get his arse kicked by Voldermort who has come back to life again we went up town and finished the evening watching Coming To America and a scary film called “Dead End”.
Today we have been for a good 3 ½ hour long walk along Bradley Golf Course, through The Scout Wood near Brighouse and back under the M62 via a pipe which allows a stream under to witches wood then back on the canal bank before finishing the day off playing monopoly.
The temperature outside has plummeted vastly to around –1 degrees centigrade some nights and according to the berries and the leaves this winter is going to be on par with 1947.
To me though I seem to hear that tale every year but as long as I stay sober I don’t care I just never want to ever return to the state I was in fifteen months ago.
So on the whole life is pretty good, I have some new Doctor Who underpants to wear tomorrow, I have exorcised the sith influence from my life and Miss Boley is asleep on my bed knackered after our marathon walk today.
Anyway that’s my entry for today in my diary, see what tomorrow brings…

The Dark Force Strikes Back

The Dark Force Strikes Back
Originally uploaded by michaels122.

Luke has caused a few disturbances just lately, it all started with his mum Sith Girl apparently having being told by Luke that when he came to see his dad we sat watching Porn Videos, these were apparently supplied by Squeaky from her mum Dominating Donnas house.
Obviously The Sith Girl was concerned since Luke had been heavily interrogated by her Master The Emperor after a few bottles of QC and according to Luke he had to agree with the Sith Lord or he would have been taken out in the back garden and beaten.
In the cold light of day The Sith Girl decided to follow up her drunken phone calls to her sister dominating Donna by accusing me of watching porn movies with Luke and Squeaky but then devastatingly for her all her circumstantial evidence fell apart since Luke admitted (allegedly) that he was lying.
I went to pick Luke up as normal on Friday but had a strange dream on Saturday morning that this minor niggle was to become a bit more eventful in the coming week and this started with a phone call Saturday dinnertime from The Sith Girl.
She said she was outside and could I go and see her, well her other son Obiwan was having a birthday party and would I bring Luke, Squeaky and CK along tomorrow, Luke reluctantly agreed and I thought nothing more of it.
I could tell however that Luke was getting rather uneasy at forfeiting time with his dad to see his mum and then it all began to spill out how he hated it at The Emperors house and he could never get any sleep for all the drunken brawls that occur nearly every evening.
Anyway he went to his brothers party but halfway though the proceedings decided to do a runner to his dads house walking some 5 miles, the catalyst for this was that his mum was forcing him to fight with his brother and threatening him with being locked in his room later (as usual)
The first I knew of this was when his mum phoned me while I was taking my dad out for a drive in the car to PC world to replace a home networking kit and she explained that Luke had scampered and would I go and find him and return him back to the party.
A hasty U turn in the road and soon me and my dad were searching the streets of Mirfield looking for a ten year old kid who was carrying a stick with a handkerchief on the end but we failed to see him anywhere but luckily he had turned up at my mums while we were out searching.
I made a heavily encouraged decision to take him back to his mums only to make sure that his actions were not rewarded since he could easily have been picked up with some crazy psycho on the canal bank that was part of the route he took.
It had played heavily on my mind for the last couple of days and when Squeaky phoned to say she wanted to see Harry Potter at the cinema this weekend I promised her I would check with Luke and book the seats on the internet.
Now at this point things started to go astray, I phoned the Sith Girl who had quite obviously spent the day drinking and this was later confirmed by Luke and asked to speak with my son.
The conversation went something like this…
“What do you want to speak to him for?”
I thought really its none of your business but said “I am going to take him to see Harry Potter on Friday”
“Do you think that is a good thing then judging how bad he has been” she spat back.
“Well quite honestly it has nothing to do with you what I do with my son in my time” I replied rising to her bait like the fool I am.
“Well he isn’t coming on Friday then” she said in her usual pompous air of defiance and the mere fact that I am his dad and have a court order explaining I have a right to see him every weekend
“I will call my solicitor then” I said now at a point of uncontrolled anger at the pitiful existence she seemed to offer my only son..
“Well do that then” she said and put the phone down.
AS I told the police later after years of frustration at the stupid system where fathers have the rights of well nothing really when it comes to there kids I set off in the car to her house to see Luke not quite sure at that point what was about to transpire.
I knocked at the door and asked to speak to Luke and got told to “piss off” before having the door shut in my face so I went in and shouted for Luke to get in the car, which after a little hesitation he did.
Meanwhile The Sith Girl was launching me with a volley of fists so I grabbed her arms to stop any more from hitting me and Luke made a hasty dash to the car.
I took him back to my mums and decided to get out of the way for a while to calm down so me, Miss Boley and Luke walked to Echo Beach like fugitives and rather unsurprisingly PC plod was soon on my mobile telling me to return Luke.
After venting my frustrations about having to be reasonable for too long with a completely unreasonable person I tried to justify my actions to him and he said he would supervise the hand over this Friday if I just did the right thing and brought Luke Back.
I decided I had caused myself enough grief already and despite Luke trying to persuade me other wise relented and drove back to Mirfield only to be arrested by the copper but he did talk with Luke for a good fifteen minutes before I was driven to Dewsbury Police Station with my car sat vulnerable outside the house of siths.
When Luke had left the car he had said “Dad you did the right thing I will handle it from here” and he proceeded to tell the policeman “in no uncertain terms” that he no longer wished to carry on living with these nutters any longer.
Of course the words of a ten year old are very often overlooked and at the police station I was charged with assault, apparently I had bruised The Sith Girls arm with my attempts to stop her from hitting me when I entered the Sith Lords premises illegally.
After having all my possessions put in a plastic bag Prisoner Ref# 116346 was taken to his cell where he was to spend the next three hours though he did get a break to have his fingerprints taken.
The fingerprints procedure is now quite high tech with computers involved and I was asked if I was willing to give a DNA sample but was warned that if I refused one would be taken by force if necessary though he added that he couldn’t see the point in the question if I had no right to refuse.
After promising not to commit suicide and replying “not yet” I was taken back to my cell where on the walls were a sign saying Prisoners would be prosecuted for any damage the caused, yet there was nothing to damage.
I tried to sleep but my head kept picking up on the thoughts of those who had been in before, a maelstrom of thoughts rattled around my head while I tried in vain to meditate and outside there was loads of noise.
I pressed the buzzer and asked for some water at one point but no body came and began to realise how people can go mad in solitary confinement, anyway my time for questioning came up so I refused a solicitor even though they kept on insisting I should have one.
The questions were along the lines of how in exact words, which I have already said, I came to injure The Sith Girl and I quietly thought to myself about all the stories I have heard about her being strangled and thrown down the steps at the hands of her Emperor.
I did though admit I had done wrong and it was shear frustration at the system that had brought a calm caring person like myself to bruise one of the Sith Girls arms to stop her from hitting me while I rescued Luke briefly from his legalised imprisonment.
Then it was back to the cell for another hour but this time I did get a cup of water and something to read about Clean Slates (which I have included on my website).
Eventually I was given a caution because,
a) The Sith Girl in her wisdom had decided not to press charges
b) I was of good character with no previous criminal record
But I was warned not to do anything similar again or I would end up in court and not to dress up as Batman and stand on my house roof neither.
I did get a distinct impression that they were on my side and the officer who drove me back to my car (which was surprisingly undamaged) said they would assist me if I was denied access on Friday or any other time if I had my court order with me.
He also suggested I go get custody of Luke and save him from any more life in the hellhole he has found himself in which I plan to do tomorrow.
He sped back at 60mph through a thirty zone so I cheekily asked him “off the record” if police were exempt from speed cameras, “no” he replied when anchoring on the breaks past a gatso.
We are though if we are on call, how do the cameras know if you are on call, we have our nee naws on and the camera will see the lights….
Yes but how do the camaras know if you have your nee naws on and you are not on call?
Anyway I had to write this all while it was fresh in my mind I will keep you posted on further developments, enough said..

eye

eye
Originally uploaded by michaels122.

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.
He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you, " she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks.
They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.
They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! Everything had been SO incredible!
"You know, " he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? "
"No, " she replies. . . . . "
"You just happened to catch my eye."

Hung Up

Hung Up
Originally uploaded by michaels122.

I don’t half witter on about stuff, looking back at my blog and looking at blogs in general I think they are for people like me who like to feed there gradually diminishing egos.
They are for people who cant communicate in the real world so they have to type out there most deepest of thoughts in the hope some poor sod somewhere will read it and that will make one feel like they have some meaning in the world.
I think when Luke comes to visit me now he thinks at least when my dad was pissed he would do funny things now he just sits there staring at his computer screen completely absorbed by pixels and Gigabytes.
What a sad end to a person who had so much potential in him when he was young and was reduced to writing pointless drivel on his computer and quietly laughing to himself at his own jokes.
I remind myself of that old beatles song “Eleaner Rigby” and the line in the lyrics…
“Father mckenzie writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear
No one comes near.
Look at him working. darning his socks in the night when there’s nobody there
What does he care?
All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?
Eleanor rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name
Nobody came”
Yes that’s me I am Father McKenzie sat here pointlessly tapping away at this keyboard and having to attend AA meetings just to find people to socialise with, what a pathetic creature.
In the past, long distant past I was somebody, people would come from distant lands to watch me dance on the dance floor, sometimes I would laugh so much that my stomach hurt.
Everyone would worship me I was a legend in my own head, every night when I got home from a hard day at work the party would begin in my little brain.
Someone once said that an alcoholic on his own is a crowd and just how true that is but suddenly the drink changed and instead ogf giving things to me it started taking – it was payback time!
Yes I do believe in Father Christmas I exclaimed to the AA meeting I attended and I hand my life over to those mysterious magical pixies at least I no longer have to worry about paying into a pension.
I will write out all the crap things I have done on a piece of paper and hand this over to someone to have a right good laugh at, only problem is that the feeling was so good after I got addicted to writing AA step fours.
So I kept on writing them, like that broom in Mickey Mouses Fantasia who kept on fetching the buckets of water I kept on churning out pointless drivel after more aimless twaddle.
I even built a website so that I could hope that out of a few billion people in the world at least someone might read my stupid stories and that would give my pointless existence some meaning.
I have followed AA advice and adopted an higher power which if you read the literature can be anything you like so I choose my cat and begged her to remove my defects of character – but they just got more pronounced as I became aware of them.
I gave everyone in the AA my number but no one ever rang me up and even the few who did it was usually because they wanted something and not to pass on there unconditional love.
I made a list of people who had pissed off and ended up in hospital when I went back and pissed them off again with pitiful tales of how sorry I was…
It was not my fault though afterall I had a disease and its called alcoholism but its okay now cos me, father Christmas and my cat are all combining forces to make me better again.
I stumble into blogland and wind people up by writing step tens not about what I have done wrong but what people had said confidentially in meetings just to get a laugh and try as one last ditched attempt at raising my rapidly diminishing ego.
Finally I do the magic in step twelve because everyone who I have told how AA has improved me have made a dramatic recovery and never been seen again!
So I am reduced to being a combination of Father McKenzie and Cybernet another faceless boring person who writes the night away on his computer hoping that someone in this world will read it.
But one thing I am truly grateful for through all this is I am now 14 ½ months sober - goodnight

Relighting The Kiln Part II

The Gangster when we left
Originally uploaded by michaels122.

Just got back home to my computer after dropping Luke off at his mums, his mother has a rather nomadic existence wondering backwards and forwards from Mirfield to Deighton depending upon the state of the relationship with her emperor boyfriend.
At the moment her character is Sith Girl since she is living with the control freak, last time there relationship ended when she was strangled but despite promising Luke the opposite she went back to do more research into wife beating much to the sigh of all the friends who had helped over the last episode.
Luke absolutely hates living there, but I am not able to interfere because fathers rights being what they are, the law always favours the mother and since she is on the social all her solicitors fees are totally free.
Anyway me and Luke enjoyed our ride on our pedal bikes, we went on the Calder & Hebble navigation towards Brighouse somehow negotiating our way past more than 30 fisherman who were having a match.
The usually have there fishing matches at the side of the river but with all the rain we have had just recently all there fishing places were flooded, anyway we politely made our way past all there poles which blocked the towpath being as polite as possible.
When we drew adjacent to Witches Wood I explained about The Magic Pixies coming in there spaceship about 18 months ago to finish me and the Gangsters training to become Jedi Masters
Luke was a little embarrassed at my silly stories and exclaimed “Dad its about time you started acting your age, I am too old for Pixies and Hamsters now”, obviously the fishermen listening in on our conversation was proving not very supportive to his street cred!
Anyway we pedalled into Brighouse and enjoyed a bottle of coke and a Mars bar beside the canal before heading up the steep hills that takes us to the top of Bradley road obviously pushing our bikes.
I couldn’t help but think that soon Luke will be at that dreaded age when he grows another head and going for a bike ride with his dad will be the last thing on his mind but I can just enjoy the now.
WE crossed over the M62 footbridge and laughed about the state we left The Gangster in last night, he did look a bit like old Adolf Hitler when we left, I am just so glad I have hopefully risen above the addiction of alcohol.
Anyway he has gone home now and I am sat here in front of my lonely computer screen, sometimes I think that maybe The Honey monster is right and I am a computer geek with a few chocolate bars short of a selection box, perhaps I should be officially renamed Cybernet?
Well my computer is back running on Windows 98 and I have almost finished that AS400 Production Spreadsheet for work, it should be ready for a trial run sometime mid week, I enjoy doing projects like that in the same way some people enjoy sex, now how sad is that?
I have been strong my AA training hardly ever faltering over a weekend surrounded by fellow alcoholics but when I was reading one of my old stories called The Magic Pixies Arnt Coming Anymore I couldn’t help look back a little nostalgically at a time when the only thing I had to worry about was where my last drink was coming from.
A lot of my so called drinking friends who have the internet said I was miles more creative with my writing back in them days well I suppose you can judge that for yourselves by following the link to a old story which I have dug up from my archives and posted to a bit of webspace I had spare…

The Magic Pixies Arn't Coming Anymore.

Anyway another exciting week in the lost world beckons to me and it’s a bit like a cliff hanger what will happen next, one thing I do know is that I will have to suffer another week of insults from The Honey Monster.
The odd wagon might turn up for some bricks but will we get the kiln relit and could we suffer another Dawn Raid, will George finally come out of the closet or could Zippy get his computer working.
These are the questions that are on my reader(s?!) lips as I move into 13360th day of my life…
Anyway I will just finish on a joke kindly sent to me by Jedess Mercury…
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call.
The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.
Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......... smack his ass again!"

I might of heard this before… anyway…

A woman, pregnant with triplets, was walking down the street when a masked robber runs out of a bank and shoots her three times in the abdomen. Luckily, the babies were okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate. She gives birth to two healthy daughters and a son.
They were fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears "What's wrong?" asks the mother. "I was urinating and this bullet came out," replied the daughter. The mother tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. "Mom, I was urinating and this
bullet came out." Again the mother tells her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.
A week later, her son walked into the room in tears.
"It's okay," says the mother, " I know what happened...you were urinating, and a bullet came out." "No," says the boy,
"I was masturbating and I shot the dog!"

Relighting The Kiln Part I

Capt Caveman on the toilet
Originally uploaded by michaels122.

Looking back on the 13,359th day of my life, i.e. yesterday I feel I have shown a lot of the people in my home village of Bradley the power of the AA and acted at its ambassador to a lot of my old friends.
Captain Caveman has just recovered from a stroke, The Gangster from a collapsed lung but still they continue to drink on par with the way I used to before my total mental breakdown last year.
But there are some hope stories Fubuman is being paid £400 per month to live in a huge 14 bedroom, 6 bathroom mansion in Milnsbridge that was an old peoples home but is now riddled with ghosts that his Aunty who owns it cannot get any more old biddies to stay there.
The Beautiful Blonde was at the Gangsters last night she is the prime candidate for the next person to be destroyed by alcohol, she was clearly in quite a inebriated state and nearly fell on the bonfire a couple of times as she wobbled round the garden.
She is clearly in a very vulnerable state since she split with her first boyfriend of more than a decade, with everyone drinking it was up to me and Fubu-man to organise the firework display and keep the bonfire ablaze.
The Fireworks were obtained by a dodgy geezer from The Lost World where I work and at just £40 for a RRP £100 box they were good value and on top of them Luke had another box bought kindly by his mum as well as Fubu mans additions from the bonfire he had the night before with all the ghosts we had quite a spectacular show.
Obviously there was a few mishaps with fireworks falling over and firing there glowing balls into the garden but this was mainly due to the fact that Fubu man cannot see very well in the dark without his glasses.
The people of Bradley seem to make good use of the fact that I no longer drink and I am considering getting a Taxi sign next year for my car roof only Captain Caveman was left to stay the night at The Gangsters since the last time I saw him he was unconscious on the toilet.
I didn’t really find it difficult anymore not drinking, and its quite good fun watching others as they become possessed by the effects of alcohol and start doing and saying crazy things particularly The Beautiful Blonde as she performed a striptease act in front of us all.
When I drove Luke and Squeaky home after the evenings events Luke said he was really proud that his dad was no longer drinking he added that I was silly enough without beer and hoped that when he grew up he wouldn’t drink too much either.
I suggested that perhaps he could cut out the middle bit now and start attending the AA as soon as he was 16.
The heat from the bonfire was ferocious in the little garden and it occurred to me that what a strange thing fire is, I mean what is fire really? The chemists tell us that it is a result of exothermic reactions.
An exothermic reaction is where a chemical reacts with another to produce a third and the result is energy in the form of heat and light this heat then catalyses more reactions, which produce yet more heat, and so a chemical chain reaction occurs.
This process was certainly not occurring in our kilns at the lost world last week because there was a kiln crash and one of the railway lines which the kiln cars run on had collapsed.
The kiln had therefore to be turned off and this was the first time this had happened in a very long time and this gave me the opportunity to have a look inside of course I was supervised by Alan Turner – The Balloon Warden just in case I take any pictures and inadvertently give away trade secrets to the opposition.
I asked the Balloon Warden about the possibility of a nuclear powered kiln surmising the well publicised possibility of a shortage of gas this coming winter but he said he doubted that the bricks would be very popular and might result in even lower sales if that was possible!
He added that the Bricks being luminance might cut down on the electric bill of the dwelling they went on to build and would be useful indirectly and directly for cutting down on greenhouse gasses.
Anyway put simply the kiln is a long tunnel, maybe 50m in length with little holes in the roof which hold the burners and allow methane gas to enter, in order to light them again after the tracks had been fixed was a job in itself.
Asking Alf how it was accomplished resulted in a sarcastic reply from The Honeymonster who was out of sight in the corner, “They get someone like you who is a few spanners short of a toolkit to go in with a lighter”
Alf said that they build a little bonfire on the first car which proceeds the cars of bricks and has this moves through the kiln the gas is carefully turned on in each zone which catches light by the burning timbers and old mattresses.
Filling the front car with stuff to burn this time of year with all the chomping going on has proved quite a problem so he has to get his wife “Elsie” to provide a few of he old dresses and that old mattress from the spare room at home.
Mini roundabout who is a few sugar puffs short of a honey monster provided a old broken hat stand which he has smashed up some time ago when he mistook it for a burglar when he returned from the pub pissed and it fell on him.
The Balloon Warden found a old basket from the hot air balloon which was lying around gathering dust at the back of his garage, Zippy brought of the nests he had built when he was suffering from birdflu a few weeks back and George contributed a few of his old wigs and handbags which he had in his nocturnal collection.
When I left the lost world on Friday everything seem to be going according to plan but it will be Monday before we will see the results of all the effort, Alf joked that there would be nothing left to burn if the gas is getting cut off willy nilly this coming winter and anyway relighting the kiln every few days would not be practical.
{I will have to continue this story later because Luke wants to go for a bike ride now and has got fed up of watching Star Wars Episode III when Anikin becomes Darth Vador so I will carry on my diary at about 7pm}

What can Happen if you get too drunk

What can Happen if you get too drunk
Originally uploaded by michaels122.

Walking through Bradley Park with Luke on Saturday morning looking for wood for our bonfire at the gangsters and on one of the benches was this lady.
Obviously I tried to tell her about the AA, Luke said "That lady wouldnt need Arm bands to swim would she dad?"