Mollys

Mollys
Originally uploaded by michaels122.

I am so glad I found this forum when I did, I owe my life to such a wonderful group of caring people who reside in AA Mollys Form, Thankyou...
Here is a brief letter to my fellow Jedess who has just passed her 1st year of sobriety and has always found words to help me just when I needed them.
Hi Debbie,
Just come back from a good meeting, really felt good especially talking with Tony Bus after, we got on to the subject of relationships and his advise was "You just worry about getting yourself well"
I told him that at first I came to the AA because I had nothing better to do with my life and I was painfully aware that the avenue of drinking to escape from how I was feeling had come to an end but he said giving up the drink was just the barest beginnings.
I think I am realising that I am just an overgrown child who throws his dummy out of the pram and takes his ball home when he feels he is being badly done to, and what does it really achieve, it just points out that I am a big kid who lives at his mummies because he cant cope with life.
Harsh words I think and these have come from me about my own defects, always longing to be that glittering personality that everyone loves, but really I need to learn to love myself, I suppose that is the next step after putting down the bottle and it is much more difficult that simply to say it.
I suppose while I am at it I should acknowledge the existence of many more defects, yes I am good at lecturing the people of Bradley where I live how alcohol is an evil mind controlling substance that the Government milk to make money from themselves and to explain to them all that I am the chosen person who have come back from near death to save them all, but this isnt spreading the message is it, its just following the easy option, in fact nobody dare now drink in front of me just in case I fly of into another of my grand life changing speeches.
Live and Let live is the answer really isnt it, the reason I gave up the drink is because my body processes alcohol differently and one drink would result even now into me once again waking up on there sofa having gone mad before collapsing and peeing myself and once again having to dry out the cushions in front of there fire before staggering off home and hoping there was enough hours before morning to disperse the smell.
Yes I should become more aware of my own defects like the program tells us and stop taking other peoples inventory otherwise I will continue to repeatedly bang my head against the proverbial brick wall wont I.
Ego really is a very dangerous thing to give an alcoholic and alcohol does feed it, I remember crawling into the woods with my dog after getting home from work feeling like death but a few smokes and beers later I was far away in a fantasy world where people worshipped me like a God and I actually started to convince myself that mundane reality was really the dream.
Blimey you set me off now remembering my past which wasnt that long ago and only one drink away, and that really does scare me but in the months I have been coming along to the AA like a ghost for something to do because I had no friends left something has rubbed off on me and even with this stubborn character!
Yes I think I am starting to learn a little humility, there is something out there I would call a force, my HP who is far more powerful than any words a man can describe him with, even the most fantastic minds that humankind can evolve throw there hands up in despair when trying to explain why we are here with analogies of spheres floating in empty space randomly attracting other spheres which happen to go floating by.
I think Debbie I am beginning to learn some important lesson, but quite what it is I am not yet certain, but one thing I know for definite life is far more bearable without that chemical called ethanol floating round my bloodstream!
Look forward to hearing from you soon...
Michael
xxxxxx